Amends
by AwkwardedOut
Summary: Dreams haunted Zelena, fueling her guilt and self-loathing until she thought she would go insane. It may have been the guilt at work, but she finally decided that if a dead man kept trying to talk to you, maybe it was time to start talking back.
1. Chapter 1

**Amends**

Disclaimer: I do not own Once Upon a Time.

Summary: Dreams haunted Zelena, fueling her guilt and self-loathing until she thought she would go insane. It may have been the guilt at work, but she finally decided that if a dead man kept trying to talk to you, maybe it was time to start talking back.

Ever since Hades/Zelena was established, I just write fanfiction all day, because homework is only a figment of the imagination, right?

* * *

 **Chapter 1**

The dreams haunted her sleep every night. They were all the same. Her daughter would be bundled in her arms, and Hades would have his arms wrapped around them both. She would lean her head back on Hades' shoulder and crane her neck to look up at him. He would plant a kiss on her temple, tweak their baby's nose playfully, and gaze down at them both lovingly. They would be a family. And in those few scant seconds, she was able to lose herself in pure bliss.

"Zelena…?" Hades called her name, shock lacing the word.

She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to block out the sound. _No, not yet… please, stop._

"Zelena!" There it was again, more urgent this time.

Reluctantly, she opened her eyes and turned around. Hades was there, on his knees, arms spread wide, with horror etched into his previously serene features. And from his chest sprouted a crystalline rod that was shooting flame, magic, and death through his entire being.

"Zelena…" he choked out again, in so much pain. "Save me!"

Tears slipped down her face. Every whisper of her name felt like an accusation. _You did this… You… You! …YOU!_ She fell to the ground before him, caressing his face with a free hand.

" _I'm sorry,"_ she sobbed, despite knowing it made no difference.

As soon as her skin made contact with his, one last giant tendril of flame shot through his person, reducing him to dust right before her eyes; all that remained were the fine grains that slipped through her fingers like sand. It had all happened so quickly… but not before the look of hurt and betrayal bore right into her soul.

And then she would wake up, and despise her own weakness. Why did this dream and his image continue to haunt her? She hadn't hesitated in plunging the deadly weapon into his heart, so why regret it now? What good did it do?

Disgusted with herself, she ripped the comforter off with a growl and got out of bed. She had to get ready for another day of making nice with the heroes. Even though she'd been the one to defeat Hades, to save all their hides, they still didn't entirely trust her. And if she weren't so afraid that they might take her daughter from her in revenge, she might have just told them to take their holier-than-thou attitude and go screw themselves with it.

No. She took a deep breath. No, she had to do this right. Not only for her, but for Regina too, because she cared for these self-righteous do-gooders. Letting out the long-held breath, she turned on the faucet and began washing the tears from her face.

Once her routine was complete and Robyn fed, she bundled her up and headed out the door. Teleporting would have been quicker than walking, but she needed the fresh air, and hoped the stillness of the nature around her would calm her mind. She would need it if she planned on spending the day amongst the idiot townspeople, and they weren't nearly as bad as the self-proclaimed heroes who led them. And besides, her daughter seemed to like it, too. Or at the very least, she didn't appear to mind.

Before she knew it, her feet had taken them to the main part of town. This was where things got annoying. The best plan of action was probably just to ignore everyone. She'd be civil if they tried to speak to her, but she doubted anyone would have the guts to do so. They still thought of her as the Wicked Witch. Well, let them. What did it matter to her, anyway?

She saw Emma coming from the opposite direction and stopped in her tracks. Her vision became red, and her grip tightened unconsciously. A cry of protestation brought her back from the dark path her mind had temporarily gone down. Realizing she was squeezing her baby too tightly, she loosened her hold, swayed the baby back and forth, cooing her back to docility. Trying not to draw attention to herself, she resumed walking. Keeping her head low, she walked past the Savior and her pirate without a word.

"Zelena…" Emma called after her.

Apparently her less than congenial attitude couldn't stop the Savior and her meddling ways. She turned around to tell the woman to bugger off, but her voice abandoned her as her eyes settled on a point behind the blonde.

It couldn't be...

Her original purpose forgotten, she quickly twisted back around and hurried away.

"Ze—" the word was barely formed before it was cut off.

She could imagine the pirate holding the Savior back, and her suspicions were confirmed a moment later when she heard his voice. "Leave her be, Swan."

Yes, let her be. She most certainly didn't feel like being an audience to their sickening displays of love—or losing her breakfast.

A thought nudged at the back of her mind, a feather-light touch. She shook it off and focused on getting to her sister's.

* * *

She sat in her sister's living room, eyes roaming around for something to keep her interest, but nothing did. It was funny how not so long ago, she had envied her sister all these silly baubles. And yet now there wasn't even the slightest twinge of jealousy.

"I know that look—you're thinking. Should I be worried?" Regina's voice broke through her thoughts as she entered the room, carrying a silver serving tray laden with a teapot and teacups.

"I was just thinking how far we'd come," she replied.

"You mean as the Evil Queen and the Wicked Witch?" Regina inquired, pouring tea for them both.

"No. I don't care about that." She rolled her eyes as she took her cup.

"Well, you can't deny that villainy seems to run in our family," Regina responded, settling back with her own warm drink in hand.

"That's not the only thing that seems to run in our family," she muttered under her breath. A moment of silence ensued, and she knew that Regina could follow her line of thought perfectly.

"It's hard, not to give in to evil—or wickedness, in your case, I guess—but it's wrong." Regina's voice was strained as she said this, as if she didn't quite believe them herself. "If you're thinking of getting revenge on anyone—"

She cut her off with a cry, "Who could I possibly get revenge on!? Myself? Those insufferable heroes didn't kill Hades, Regina, _I_ did! Even if I wanted to get revenge, there's no one to get it on."

"I know…"

She realized her insensitivity at that moment. Damn it. She wasn't used to caring about other people, and her own selfish instincts still got the best of her more often than not. "Regina, I'm sorry. It's my fault what happened to Robin. If I hadn't trusted Hades, none of this would have ever happened." It was true, and she knew it was what Regina thought as well.

She watched as the barest hints of different emotions flickered over her sister's features, apparently at war with one another. It amazed her that they had become close enough over the weeks for her to be able to read her sister this well. Finally, one emotion won out. She thought it was defeat.

"No one was truly at fault—or we all were. I don't know. It doesn't matter. Pointing fingers won't bring anyone back."

She noticed her sister didn't exactly contradict her words, only made a sweeping statement, but before she could mention this, Regina changed the subject.

"Are you still having…?" The question didn't need finishing; she knew what her sister meant.

Biting her lip in a moment of indecision, she hesitatingly admitted to it.

"And…?" Regina prodded gently.

"And nothing. They're only dreams."

"Perhaps, but even dreams serve a purpose. Maybe they're trying to tell you something. Maybe you should listen."

"Oh, please!" she snapped, suddenly fed up, although she wasn't entirely certain why.

Regina held up her hands in a placating gesture, and she felt slightly guilty at her extreme reaction. She knew her sister had only been trying to help. The knowledge warmed her heart, since the gesture came at such a sacrifice.

"They're just dreams," she restated, voice firm. "How about you? Have you been sleeping any better?" If the heavy bags under her sister's eyes were anything to go by, the answer was no, not that Regina would ever admit it.

"I've been sleeping fine."

"Liar."

That allowed Regina to crack a smile. "So we're both too stubborn for our own good. Guess we really are related."

She took her sister's hand in her own and squeezed it, hoping the gesture conveyed some sense of empathy.

"They'll go away," Regina reassured. "For the longest time after Daniel died, all I saw when I closed my eyes was the image of Snow's head on a platter. There was nothing I wanted more than that. It became all-consuming, and I… I lost myself."

She thought she detected a slight tremor in her sister's voice, but when she glanced over, her sister was as composed as always. That was when she realized that her sister truly was a queen—someone who was always composed, who put on a mask for the world so no one could see her true emotions and guess at her secrets. Something she had never been very good at doing.

"You didn't get your wish, obviously." Or Snow White and her flock wouldn't still be walking around Storybrooke, all so disgustingly happy.

"Obviously," said Regina, the word laced with sarcasm.

"And now? Do you want Hades' head on a plate? O-" she faltered. "Or mine?"

Regina looked at her with a determined gaze. "No," she stated firmly. "Remember what I said before, I— _we_ learned that revenge never works out, and it never ends well."

Zelena closed her eyes in an attempt to keep her composure, and against the backs of her lids she could see his face, frozen in agony. If only she had had a chance to tell him that—would things be different now?


	2. Chapter 2

**Amends**

Disclaimer: I do not own Once Upon a Time.

Summary: Dreams haunted Zelena, fueling her guilt and self-loathing until she thought she would go insane. It may have been the guilt at work, but she finally decided that if a dead man kept trying to talk to you, maybe it was time to start talking back.

* * *

 **Chapter 2**

She was standing before the tall window in the bedroom, sunlight streaming in through the panes and warming her with its rays. Her baby was fidgeting in her arms, squinting against the brightness. She pulled the blanket her daughter was wrapped in up, using the cloth to create a barrier against the light. No longer being blinded, her child opened up blue eyes to stare at her for a moment before squeezing them shut tight again in a sneeze. With a small smile, she placed her daughter back in her crib, leaning over the bars to make sure she was comfortable and there was enough shadow to spare her eyes.

When she straightened, Hades was behind her, wrapping his arms around her in a loving embrace.

"You're up early," he murmured sleepily.

"Robyn was crying," she whispered.

"The thief?" Hades asked, confused.

She knew it wasn't real. She always knew; it was just difficult not to give in to the illusion, not when it was the exact depiction of everything she had always wanted. But she wouldn't pretend anymore.

This time, she planned to confront the ghost that haunted her dreams. So she broke out of his embrace and turned around to face him.

"Zelena? Is something wrong?" he asked with concern.

"Hades, why are you here?" she asked.

"I came to bring you back to bed," he replied, bemused.

She longed to reach out to him, but was afraid that he would crumble at her touch. Instead, she merely braced herself for what would follow. "You shouldn't be here."

More confusion. "Was there something I was supposed to do today? Did I forget something?"

"This life—with me, with Robyn—it wasn't enough for you. You wanted more—you wanted it all. And you died." Tears came to her eyes unbidden.

"Zelena, what are you talking about? I'm right here." He reached for her hand, but she snatched it away.

"You're _not_ , you're just a figment of my imagination. A manifestation of my guilt, or my regret—I don't know, I don't care, but you _aren't_ _real_."

"I—what—why would you think that?"

"Because _I_ killed you! I stabbed you in the heart because you wanted to kill my sister!"

"That's ridiculous! I would never try to kill Regina." He started toward her, but she shoved him away.

"That is a _lie_!" she screamed at him, then looked on, horrified, as blue tendrils of flame sprouted from her fingers and spread over his body. They quickly enveloped him, devouring him with their power.

Even after his physical body had disintegrated, his last pleas for help still echoed in her skull.

* * *

She opened her eyes to inky darkness. Moonlight provided some illumination, but it didn't reach the slanted ceiling and the corners of the room. She wanted to scream at the darkness in frustration. She nearly let all the boiling rage out before realizing her baby was asleep in the next room. So instead, she merely thrashed her limbs, beating and kicking the mattress to release her anger.

Once her energy was spent, she tried going back to sleep, but her mind wouldn't settle down enough for slumber to claim her. All she could do was comb over every detail of the dreams, looking for a hint, something to tell her what she had to do to make them stop.

It was maddening. And perhaps the worst part was that the Hades in her dreams didn't seem to be aware of what had transpired in the real world. He seemed oblivious to those events, and was clearly just a construct of her imagination, an image of him she'd built up in her mind, that the real Hades had ultimately failed to live up to.

She had thought that if she tried to confront the image of him in her mind, to apologize, even if it was only to her own unconscious, he would disappear for good. But after five consecutive failed attempts at making reparations, she was more than a little angry. For the remainder of the night, she merely glowered at the ceiling while her mind whirred trying to solve this puzzle.

She must have dozed off at some point, because the next thing she knew, it was morning, and Robyn was hungry, by the sound of her wailing. Although not feeling particularly rested, she got up and went into the next room.

The room was barren save for the crib in the corner and the curtains on the windows; they had been drawn the night before so the sun wouldn't wake her daughter on its ascent. She apparently needn't have worried, since it seemed that her daughter naturally rose with the sun. Gently, she lifted Robyn from her crib. Immediately, the smell hit her.

"Oh, we have a monster to slay this morning," she said, wrinkling her nose.

She placed her daughter back into the crib and lowered the bars on her side. Opening the cabinet set against the wall, she took out the last diaper stored within with a frown. They would have to go into town to buy more supplies, but first things first.

With a practiced series of judicious movements, she deftly removed the diaper wrapped around her daughter's bottom, disposed of it, and wiped away the remains of her daughter's "monster" before tossing that in the bin as well. Once the monster had been sealed away, Zelena was able to let out her breath and breathe again.

"Mummy will get used to it eventually," she promised her daughter. "…I think."

Using one hand to grab Robyn's ankles, Zelena lifted her daughter's bottom and slipped a fresh diaper underneath. Setting her legs back down and doing up the straps on the diaper, Zelena looked down at the finished result, deeming it a success.

She smiled as her daughter stopped crying momentarily to peek out at her, likely because she was no longer uncomfortable. The reprieve lasted only a second before the crying resumed.

Right. Hungry.

She carried her daughter into the hallway and down the stairs, being careful with each narrow step, making a mental note to magically widen the steps later. Coming into the kitchen, she shifted her child's position so she could free up one hand to open up one of the cabinets over the stove. Plucking an empty baby bottle from the shelf, she grabbed a pitcher from the counter and poured into the bottle until the water reached the fourth line demarcated on the container. Two scoops of powder followed. It was a little difficult screwing on the top of the bottle with just one hand, but she pulled it off in the end.

"Okay, sweet pea, mummy's got your bottle ready," she said in a soothing tone, placing the bottle in her child's open mouth.

The crying immediately stopped as Robyn concentrated on getting her breakfast from the bottle. Humming contentedly, she made her way into the living room and settled into the lone armchair there, left when the building had been abandoned by its previous owner. She adjusted their positions so that Robyn's head rested more comfortably in the crook of her arm, at the same time angling the bottle to ensure her daughter was getting formula in her mouth, not air. With a content smile, she watched Robyn drink; it was moments like these that spoke peace into her heart and calmed her frayed nerves.

The bottle's contents quickly depleted, and apparently full, Robyn stopped swallowing the formula and merely allowed it to dribble from her mouth down her chin. She conjured a cloth to wipe away the dribble. Just to be sure, she tried to place the rubber top back in Robyn's mouth, but her baby turned her head away, no longer interested in the container or its contents. A few drops of white liquid dripped onto the corner of her mouth. They were wiped up as well; she made certain to also wipe beneath Robyn's chin, since that was an easily overlooked area.

The cloth was then transferred to her left shoulder as she flipped Robyn, placing her chin on her shoulder. Gentle pats were administered to her child's back. After a few pats, a burp sounded by her ear, and—she was fairly certain—quite a bit of regurgitated formula now decorated the cloth she'd prepared.

With a hint of pride, she noted how naturally she had taken to motherhood. In just a few short weeks, she had mastered so many skills pertaining to caring for another human being. She still remembered when she had nearly had a panic attack the first night she was truly alone with her daughter, where all of the baby's needs were up to her to provide. It had been a terrifying experience like few others in her recollection.

There had been many firsts that night. The first time she'd fed her baby through an entire meal, her child had begun crying toward the end, and refused to stop no matter the amount of bouncing or soothing noises she made. In a panic, she had teleported into Regina's living room in a cloud of green smoke, startling both her sister and Henry. Regina had told her her baby just needed burping, which had sent Zelena down another spiral of panic, because she hadn't the faintest how to do that. It was a testament to her sister's patience that she was able to guide Zelena through the process with clear instructions even in her anxious state. And then, her child had spit up all over her back, the regurgitated bits of her meal running down her shirt.

" _I knew I was forgetting something,"_ Regina had commented at the sight.

Zelena had been so grateful at the clear relief in her daughter's demeanor that she'd barely noticed. And look at her now. Clearly, motherhood suited her.

She returned Robyn to her former position and made her way upstairs to dress them both for going into town.

* * *

She walked along the sidewalk in the center of town, making her way to the store where she knew she could get everything she needed. It was the same store Regina had taken her to the first time she'd run out of formula.

Looking around, being on the watch for potential dangers, she noticed that strolling down the street with her daughter in her arms didn't seem quite as intimidating anymore. Intimidating for the Storybrooke residents, that is. Not too long ago, they would wince with fear and make quick escapes into the nearest building or simply about-face and run away in the opposite direction. None of the idiots who inhabited the town were terribly discreet about their getaways—not that she particularly cared. Except now, while the others weren't necessarily running up to her in their excitement to get to know her, they at least no longer cowered in fear at her very approach. Some of the braver ones even attempted to smile in her direction. Her natural instinct, of course, was to scowl, but she fought that, instead giving a slight nod in return.

This whole being friendly thing was exhausting. Nonetheless, despite the rather fruitless beginning, the rest of the day was shaping up rather nicely.

Just as that last thought crossed her mind, she saw it—a man clothed entirely in black, with a head of blonde hair peeking out over the upturned collar. Although his face was obscured, she'd recognize his figure anywhere. And he was headed in the opposite direction. Without a second thought, she took off after him, her baby secured in her arms.

He was coming upon an intersection and turned the corner. She put on a burst of speed, fearful she would lose him and this entire chase would have been for naught.

This was going to end _right now_.

Coming around the corner, she gazed around quickly, searching out the dark coat and blonde hair.

There!

She took off once more and found herself gaining on him. She reached out her hand and grabbed his shoulder, pulling backward with all her strength. The figure spun around and faced her with a bewildered expression.

The surprise quickly settled into a smug smile as the person asked, "So, couldn't resist me after all, huh?"

It was that annoying doctor from the hospital. The one she thought she'd killed.

This time, Zelena couldn't hide the scowl. She immediately snatched her hand back, disgusted. She didn't bother to dignify the man's question with a response, instead choosing to scan the streets again, but found no one else who looked like he could be Hades. Angry that she had let him escape, and dearly wanting to take it out on the blonde for wasting her time, she had to take a deep breath to prevent giving in to the old homicidal tendencies. Quickly, she left before she did something she would regret.

"Hey, you accosted me!" the annoying doctor shouted after her.

Busy turning over the chase in her mind, Zelena barely heard him. The entire experience left her quite disturbed. Could she really have mistaken the hack for Hades? It was true that she had not been with Hades for very long, but he and Whale were two very different people. For one thing, Whale was a few inches taller. His hair was also a lighter blonde than Hades', the result of a horrid dye job. Surely the differences should have been clear, even from a distance. And even if this time had been purely a mistake on her part, what about when she'd met the Savior and her puppy dog on the streets earlier that week? That time Hades had been standing right behind the Savior, and she had looked straight at him, she was certain of it.

She was lost in thought, and became aware of her surroundings again only to realize she'd walked past the store. Cursing softly, she backtracked a block to her destination.

Arriving before the store, she grabbed a cart and entered the establishment. A bell sounded as she pushed open the door. The clerk at the register glanced up from his magazine, nodded, then returned to his reading. She headed to the back of the store, where the diapers were.

The first time she'd done this, she hadn't been terribly discerning about what to buy, instead deciding to put one of everything into the cart. They all did the same thing, didn't they? But Regina had stopped her, and schooled her on the art of diaper-buying, showing her where to look on the packaging to decide what was most appropriate for her child, in terms of size, age range, etc.

Scanning the line of brightly colored packaging, Zelena finally came to the one she was accustomed to getting, and placed two bags into her cart. After a moment of thought, she added two more. It was always better to have more than to run out unexpectedly.

She briefly wondered how much formula still remained in the cabinets at home. Unable to recall, she decided to restock anyway; better safe than sorry. Wheeling the cart over to the next aisle, she found what she wanted and added two canisters to her haul. Satisfied, Zelena returned to the front of the store and set everything before the cashier, who began scanning it all.

Looking up to hand over the bills she'd dug out of her purse, she happened to glance across the cashier's shoulder and locked gazes with Hades. He was standing outside on the other side of the street, wrapped in a black overcoat, collar turned up against the wind, hands stuffed in pockets to ward against the chill. Holding her gaze, he spoke to her.

Despite the distance and the physical obstacles between them, she heard him perfectly.

 _Save me._

A moment later he had disappeared. Her eyes flitted left and right, thinking perhaps he'd simply turned and walked off, but there was no sign of him.

"Uh… ma'am? Your change?"

The voice brought her attention back to the store. A limb was held out to her, a handful of change in its palm. It took her a moment to remember that she was in the middle of a transaction. Holding out her hand, the cashier turned his palm over and dropped the change into hers.

With an odd look, he said, "Have a good day, ma'am."

"Thanks, you too," Zelena mumbled, her attention still divided. She hung the plastic bags that held her purchases onto her free arm and exited the store. She peered across the street one more time, just to be sure; no one.

Save him? Save him from what? More importantly, what _was_ this?

At first she had believed these images to be manifestations of her unconscious guilt. But it was no longer restricted only to dreams. Recently, they—whatever _they_ were—had begun to creep into her waking hours as well. Phantoms in the corners of her vision—sometimes reaching out to her; sometimes pleading quietly with her, whispering words she couldn't hear; sometimes only staring somberly at her.

In fact, she was beginning to wonder if these weren't visions being sent to her, relentlessly demanding her attention. After all, she considered herself already come to terms with her actions. She had killed Hades, yes, but it wasn't as if she'd never killed before, and she'd certainly never felt anguish over _those_ kills, or continued to hallucinate the ghosts of her victims. This time should've been little different. So maybe it wasn't her inner demon after all, and some other power was at work here.

If that was the case, it was time to find out just what was going on and put an end to it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Amends**

Disclaimer: I do not own Once Upon a Time.

Summary: Dreams haunted Zelena, fueling her guilt and self-loathing until she thought she would go insane. It may have been the guilt at work, but she finally decided that if a dead man kept trying to talk to you, maybe it was time to start talking back.

* * *

 **Chapter 3**

Zelena paced the span of her sister's sitting room, wringing her hands in her anxiety.

"Regina, I need to ask you for a favor," she said, turning to her sister. Regina looked up from rocking her niece.

"Anything," she agreed easily, genuine concern evident in her tone, and Zelena's heart warmed at the gesture.

This was what family did for one another; this was what she'd been searching for her entire life. And now she was about to jeopardize everything—and for what? A ghost?

A ghost who continued to appear to her, covered in fire and screaming in agony even outside her dreams.

It wasn't a decision she'd made lightly. She had agonized over what to do for three days, trying to calculate every possible outcome. Eventually, she had come to the conclusion that this was the best available course of action. She had to solve this mystery and put an end to these visions once and for all. It was the only way for her to put the past to rest and truly move forward with her daughter and sister.

She couldn't spend the rest of her life chasing after phantoms.

"I need you to watch Robyn for a few days," her voice was firm, belying none of the trepidation that had settled on her heart.

"I don't mind taking Robyn for a while," said Regina. "But what are you going to be doing?"

"I just need some time. I'm sorry, I know this isn't fair to you, you're still in mourning, and you have your own child to look after, and—"

"Zelena," Regina cut in, "it's not that I begrudge babysitting Robyn, I just don't understand why."

Zelena looked at Regina, silently pleading with her.

After a long silence, her sister sighed, "Just promise me it's nothing dangerous."

"I promise," said Zelena. "There are just a few things I need to sort out."

"Fine," Regina gave in.

"Thank you, Regina."

Zelena materialized a stack of three packs of diapers, a line of three canisters of formula, and three bottles onto the coffee table before them. Another flick of her wrist conjured Robyn's crib in one corner of the room; inside was her blanket, and several changes of clothes.

Regina raised an eyebrow quizzically.

"So you don't run out," Zelena stated.

She held out her arms and Regina transferred Robyn into her hold. Swaying gently, she whispered to her daughter. "Mummy's going to run some errands, okay, precious? She'll be back before you even know it."

Looking into those perfect blue eyes, she extended her forefinger, playfully nudging her daughter's tiny balled fist. Then the unthinkable happened—Robyn opened her fist and grabbed ahold of Zelena's finger. Zelena's heart nearly stopped; her baby was holding her mummy's hand! What should she do? Robyn's grip wasn't strong, and her fingers barely closed around Zelena's finger, but she couldn't bear to pull her digit away.

"Regina, what do I do?" she breathed.

"You'll have to let go at some point," her sister answered matter-of-factly.

Simple as that sounded, Zelena wasn't sure her sister knew how conflicted she was right then. This was the first time she would be distanced from Robyn since she'd gotten her back. That in and of itself was a hard reality to swallow. But in addition to that, her daughter was growing up; who knew what other progress she would make during Zelena's absence.

"What'll happen if I come back and she doesn't recognize me? She'll be walking and talking and—"

"They don't grow up _that_ fast," Regina cut her off before her rambling got too out of hand.

Even so, maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all.

Then she saw him again, bowed over in pain, entire body alight with blue flame.

Swallowing, she gently pulled her digit from Robyn's grasp. With some reluctance, she passed her bundle of joy over to Regina. Her sister expertly cradled Robyn in her arms once more, still so comfortable with the role of motherhood.

Regina met Zelena's eyes.

"I'll take good care of her," she assured.

"You'd better," Zelena threatened before she could check herself, then immediately regretted the words. She must have seemed so ungrateful. "Thank you," she amended, trying to sound as genuine as possible.

Regina nodded, apparently aware of the separation issues Zelena was going through. Zelena was all the more grateful for that empathy.

Stealing one last look at her sweet pea, Zelena raised her arm and used her magic to transport her home to the farmhouse.

Now, with her daughter in good care and out of danger's way, she could begin.

All the failed attempts at communication had gotten her to thinking, she was really trying to talk to a projection, which had proved fruitless at every turn. Instead, she should be talking to the source. It may have been the guilt at work, but she had finally decided that if a dead man kept trying to talk to her, maybe it was time to start talking back. Besides, hadn't Regina even given her the same advice? _Maybe they're trying to tell you something. Maybe you should listen._

But in order to listen, she had to first set up a meeting. And she knew just how she'd do it.

Some would call what she was attempting a waste of time, foolhardy, impossible. But Zelena had always excelled at magic, and that was despite her adoptive father's ardent attempts at suppressing it. Part of it was natural talent; the other was sheer willful perseverance. It was through this combination that had allowed her to accomplish what no one had ever managed before—perfect a working time travel spell. Not Regina. Not even Rumplestiltskin. _Her_.

She'd achieved what no one thought possible before, and she had no doubt whatsoever that she'd be able to do the same again. People only labeled something as impossible because they themselves were too stupid or untalented to accomplish it. She was neither of those things.

Zelena summoned a fireball to light her way; it cast an eerie green glow as she climbed the stairs into her bedroom. Upon entering it, she immediately made for the corner, where a pile of clothes were heaped. At the very bottom of that heap were the things she'd worn _that_ night. After a moment of digging, she pulled her overcoat from the pile, thankful she'd had no time to wash everything between learning to be a mother and ingratiating herself with the heroes. Holding it up to the light in her hand, she smiled triumphantly.

* * *

The next morning saw Zelena standing in the field behind her house, drawing a large circle in the dirt with a stick she'd picked up from the edge of the woods. Her heart beat rapidly. Part of it was in trepidation; she was about to attempt something powerful and potentially dangerous. But part of it was also… excitement. She willfully ignored that part; it was perplexing and in the end, irrelevant. Instead, she speculated.

Perhaps he had managed to evade his death as she had when Rumplestiltskin stabbed her. If Hades was still out there somewhere, in some form… This spell would bring him before her.

She hesitated.

Was this really a good idea? What if the spell actually worked? What if she brought him back and he decided he wanted to start right back up where he'd left off?

Killing Regina.

Conquering Storybrooke.

Taking revenge.

After what she had done, he wouldn't spare even her. Well, that hardly mattered; she deserved it. But her daughter…

She shook her head to clear away the doubts. He was gone; she knew it in her heart. She just needed to make absolutely sure, and then she could put his ghost to rest.

Closing the circle, she then carved lines demarcating the four cardinal points at the circle's edge. It was admittedly crude, and had been devised in a hurry. It certainly was not as fine-tuned as her time-travel spell had been, although both had been based on the same basic idea. A lot of the integral materials she'd had back then were also missing now, but that was what the ace up her sleeve was for.

Stepping outside the boundary she had set, she tossed the stick aside and surveyed her work.

A spell to summon a god.

As luck would have it, she had been able to find shards of the Olympian crystal embedded in the sleeve and front of her overcoat. She took those shards now and sprinkled them on the dirt atop the four lines pointing North, South, East and West. These would replace the symbols of wisdom, courage, love, and innocence in her original spell.

A surprising amount of magic was connected to one's intent. It was why, if there was enough force of will, enough vision, enough raw power, even a basic circle could be used to enact powerful spells. Having the added magic of a weapon belonging to a god only helped her cause.

Spreading her arms before her, Zelena summoned her magic, channeling it through her arms and into the ground. It flowed into the circle, following the configuration she had drawn in the dirt, and was absorbed by the shards of crystal. They glowed white as they fed upon her power, then began radiating brighter still as the godly magic housed within was re-activated.

Zelena conjured an image of Hades in her mind and concentrated on it. The ruler of the Underworld, a god, powerful, charming… Power-hungry, deceitful, murderous. As much as it hurt her to recall the latter qualities, she wanted as complete a picture as possible to ensure the spell worked properly, to strengthen the call. She tried to place every line on his face, every crease in his brow. She could feel the spell scouring the globe for the person in her mind's eye, searching out a match for the magical signature housed within the shards; even with the crystals supplying a large amount of power, the spell was draining her magical reserves quickly, pulling energy from her body to fuel itself.

Too late, she realized that she really should have built up her reserves before attempting such a large undertaking, but she had been in a hurry, and it had clearly clouded her judgment.

She could feel the pull on her magic lessening as the spell completed. There was a moment when she saw the edges of the circle flicker briefly with flames, and thought that it had worked, but they quickly disappeared. Then she waited, scanning the small space for a familiar face.

She wasn't sure what she had expected, but when minutes had passed and no one appeared, the crushing disappointment spoke volumes. Feeling dizzy from the exertion, she fell to her knees on the ground, head hanging low, breaths coming fast. Tears pricked her eyes as she confronted reality—it hadn't worked. All that magic wasted, and with nothing to show for it. And the worst part was, now she knew that Hades truly was g—

"Zelena."


	4. Chapter 4

**Amends**

Disclaimer: I do not own Once Upon a Time.

Summary: Dreams haunted Zelena, fueling her guilt and self-loathing until she thought she would go insane. It may have been the guilt at work, but she finally decided that if a dead man kept trying to talk to you, maybe it was time to start talking back.

* * *

 **Chapter 4**

Zelena sank down onto the grass and hung her head, unable to bear the sight of the empty glade any longer. The weight of disappointment was heavy on her shoulders as she feverishly went over every detail in her mind.

What had gone wrong? Was it the spell? Had there not been enough power behind it? Or was it _her_? Had she simply not _wanted_ it enough? She was wondering if she should try again when there was a sudden crackle of energy in the air that set her hair on end. And then…

"Zelena."

Hearing her name caused her heart to beat so fast it felt like it would burst through her chest. Adrenaline rushed through her body and a roaring started up in her ears.

It couldn't be.

Her head snapped up to find the source of that voice, but what she found wasn't the face that had haunted her every moment of every day for the past month. The man who stood before her was young, with the smooth face of a boy barely into adulthood. He was dressed in white robes, with leather gauntlets and sandals adorning his arms and feet, a simple style reminiscent of a simpler time. One could say he was the complete opposite of Hades in every aspect of his appearance, from age to era. And if she took the time to think about it, his voice was nothing like Hades' either. Whereas Hades had had a low voice that lured one in, inviting one to listen more closely, to trust his words, this boy's was lighter and carried with it a sadder quality. And although he'd only said her name, she decidedly did not like the way it sounded coming from him.

Her limbs protested leaving the ground as she struggled to stand up, wary of an attack from this stranger.

"Who the hell are you?" It had been automatic, but it caused a memory to stab her in the heart. That was what she'd said the first time she'd met Hades as well.

The boy gestured toward the drawing encircling him in the ground. She glanced at it, then back at him.

"Not Hades…?" she asked doubtfully. He shook his head.

"No, not Hades. His brother." She sucked in a breath.

"Zeus." A nod confirmed her guess. "Why are you here?"

"You summoned a god."

"I wasn't trying for you."

"It would have never worked, Zelena. Hades is dead."

Although his tone was soft, level, the words stung, and she felt like lashing out again. But she clung onto logic, because here finally was someone who could answer her questions.

"Isn't it possible that he might have… escaped somehow?" She hesitated in revealing the next bit, but forged on. "I see him in my dreams. Always."

"That's to be expected. Your guilt is causing you to see specters of the person toward whom you feel it."

That's what she had once thought as well.

"The dreams were only the beginning. Now I see him even when I'm awake. On the streets as I walk, in the corner of my eye—sometimes, I even _feel_ his presence around me." She swallowed. "I can feel his suffering… I can hear the crackling of the fire, see the peeling skin, smell the burning flesh—it's all so vivid…" It couldn't have come from just a hallucination. It was frustrating and maddening, because she couldn't do anything to help or even make the images stop.

"Hades always did have a vindictive side," Zeus mumbled absently. Her heart nearly stopped as her brain processed the words.

"He's still alive," she breathed. There was something unreadable in his eyes as they met hers.

"Whatever you think is reaching out to you, it will fade with time, if you only stop chasing after it," he said evasively. She glared at the god, refusing to be so easily placated.

"He's still out there, isn't he? You think this is his punishment for me. For killing him. Or—or trying to. But he couldn't do that if he wasn't still alive. Or maybe he's back in the Underworld and is making trips back to see me. That's what he did before, when we met." She couldn't stop all the words tumbling from her mouth. It all made sense. Everything fit—it had to be true. "He must not be strong enough to appear fully. I can go back for him—"

"I understand what you're going through, Zelena," Zeus interrupted. "It is not uncommon to see and feel the presence of the dearly departed. I loved him too, and his death has affected me as well. Perhaps you should take time to mourn his passing." His tone was gentle and soothing—overly so.

"I don't want your pity," she growled. "I know what I've seen. And it is _not_ just a figment of my imagination."

"And even if it wasn't, what do you intend to do about it?"

Hades' repeated plea echoed through her mind.

"Save him," she responded, realizing now what those words meant. "Please, if you know where he is, tell me."

Zeus scoffed. "And why should I help you?"

"You _owe_ me!" For what, she didn't know; if it worked, it didn't matter.

"You presume much, mortal." Zeus' eyes darkened, and she detected anger in the undercurrents of his speech. He may have projected a calm exterior, but beneath that facade was rage as violent as a storm; she could feel it charging the atmosphere around them. Perhaps he and Hades weren't so different after all.

The old Zelena would have responded with a threat of some kind, usually one promising immense physical pain. After all, that was how she had survived all this time. But recently, she had learned that the things most worth having could not always be taken by force. It wouldn't have worked anyway, except as a bluff. She was loath to admit it, but the spell had sapped all of her strength; even standing was a challenge in her current condition.

She tried to size up Zeus, to see beneath the haughty disposition and find something… more. Diplomacy had never been her strong suit, but she wanted to appeal to Zeus' better nature, the side that still cared for his brother. He did still care, right? Hadn't he told her as much? She tried to tone back the harshness of her voice and the acidity with which she normally spoke, and instead inject her voice with as much persuasiveness as she could muster.

"He deserves a second chance—"

"And he got one!" Zeus cut her off. "And a third, and a fourth, and a fifth, and infinite more! Think about it, Hades had been alive for millennia, and had a millennia of evil deeds to show for it. Did you really think I banished him to the Underworld because he—what, broke my favorite toy? Of course not! It was because he failed repeatedly to prove himself changed!"

Even in the face of the god's rage, she refused to back down. "He is capable of change. Everyone is; he's just never had the right reason to before."

"And I take it you're the right reason," Zeus retorted.

"You know nothing about me," she said heatedly.

"You're right. I generally don't trouble myself with the lives of mortals."

She was beginning to see why Hades disliked his brother. But at least Zeus was honest. With some doubt, she wondered whether that was how Hades had felt as well. Had it really all just been an act? A long con to get his heart restarted?

"You realize it too," Zeus stated, as if reading her mind.

Could gods do that? She glowered at him.

"I could read it on your face," he stated by way of explanation, which did nothing to settle her suspicions.

"Look, I know that you and Hades had your differences, but the two of you are brothers. You must have cared for one another at one point in time." She recalled her own memories of the bond of sisterhood, and silently pleaded with the god to remember as well.

"That was a long time ago, a time from beyond human memory." His eyes had become distant, carrying the barest trace of sadness.

The sight stirred something within her, and she was surprised to find her tone softening.

"You could have that again. But only if you help me save Hades."

"Why would you even want to save him? Did you forget that he tried to kill your sister?"

Of course she hadn't damn well forgotten. If not for that, Robin would be alive, and her sister would be happy. If not for that, the four of them could be living their happily ever after right now. They'd be a family gathered around the dinner table for a get-together, feeding Robyn her formula, telling stories, tossing around snarky comments, squabbling over whose turn it was to change the diaper, trying to get along for the baby's sake…

She felt like she was suffocating. Sometimes, hope for a future that could never be only made the pain of that loss more pronounced.

"Maybe this time can be different." She didn't sound convincing even to herself. All she knew was that her sister had offered her a shot at redemption, and she wanted to extend that hand to Hades. Wasn't that what those annoying do-gooders kept blabbering on about? Second chances—as many as it took to get it right? She only hoped that Zeus shared the same blind optimism.

As it were, Zeus looked to be in deep contemplation. The silence nearly drove Zelena mad, but if he were truly considering the possibility, then she could only wait with feigned patience. She shifted from one foot to the other, trying to avoid thinking about how inviting the grass seemed to her weary body. Zeus sure was taking his sweet time about this.

Finally, after what felt like an age, the god before her nodded his head.

"I have decided that I will aid you in this quest," Zeus announced.

The weariness practically melted from her limbs, to be replaced by the buzz of energy and perhaps, a small spark of hope also became kindled in her heart. Remembering that she needed to stay on the god's good side, she inclined her head respectfully.

"Thank you, Lord Zeus." Meeting the god's gaze, she asked the question that had been at the forefront of her mind this entire time. "Does this mean Hades truly is alive?"

"You are only partially correct. As I said before, Hades _is_ dead." She was about to protest, but Zeus went on, "But he is not gone."

That one little spark of hope began to slowly spread tendrils of warmth through her body.

"Hold out your hand," Zeus commanded suddenly.

She lifted her arm, palm open and facing upward. Zeus covered it with his own. Beams of bright light shot forth from between the gaps and then she felt something drop into her palm. When Zeus lifted his hand to reveal what she now held, her eyes widened with shock.


End file.
